Moments of Anticipation

I finished my light dinner and got ready to leave. N had already taken the packed up bag to the car. My brother S was waiting in the car, happy and ready to act as my driver for this journey. Amma stood before our huge array of Gods, asking them all to give me strength. I joined her, heart beating fast with excitement. Five minutes later we were speeding towards our destination – the Maternity Hospital.

I had asked for a private room, but at that point of time, none was available. So I was made to lie down on a bed in a semiprivate ward, with another patient in the room. The nurse arrived soon to work on me, to ready me for the big event. I kept looking at the clock – 10 pm, 10.05, 10.10…

I asked Amma, “When will it start?”

“It will soon. Be patient Mini.”

Well, that I was, lying in a hospital gown on the hospital bed. I wanted to see the outcome soon. What will it be? I couldn’t get to sleep thanks to all the questions ravaging my mind.

“Amma, I think it is paining,” I said, my eyes wandering towards the clock that struck 11. “No Mini. This is not enough. You have to wait still.”

“Amma, I have to pee…” 11.15pm

The poor lady, my mom, had just rested her head on the backrest of her chair and closed her eyes. Without as much as a sigh, she accompanied me to the washroom where I relieved myself. The nurse smiled at me on the way back.

“Amma, I can’t sleep,” I sat up on the bed. “This bed is very uncomfortable.”

Mother’s eyes seemed to ask, “What did you expect? The presidential suite in the Taj?” But she just helped me turn over and propped an extra pillow at my side. The clock struck midnight.

A weird sensation started radiating in my lower abdomen. It was as if someone was tickling me from the inside. This tickling however, was not funny. It was not making me laugh. I moaned and looked at the clock. It was 1.30 am.

“Amma…” I called out.

“Sleep, Mini,” she said, groggily.

I kept moaning for some time. After a while, Amma realized something was happening. Eyes wide alert, she sprang to my side and held my hand. “We are still not there sweetheart,” she said.

“Oh goddamn it! Why can’t we just get over with it!” I wanted to shout.

At 2.30 am, I called out to Amma again. “Amma, I think I just peed on the sheets,” I said to her, my face flushed with embarrassment.

“What?” She rushed to call the nurse. The stocky old lady came to check and announced, “The water has broken.”

I was relieved. Finally!

But it was not over yet. I lay in the operating theater, my legs open for a free for all, moaning and blabbering in delirium. I remember continuously muttering God’s names, asking him to please be done with it real soon. I remember calling out to the nurses there, “Akka… Akka… I want water.” But they had strictly instructed not to give me any. It was only after my moans became incessant, that an old nurse came to my side with a bottle of water. She opened the lid, poured a teeny weeny amount into it, and wet my lips. Hmph!

Around 4.30 am, the nurse who checked announced that it was time. The doctor came in, and they all started chanting, “Push! Push!” I felt like I was in the middle of some secret pagan ritual. Yet I pushed, asking you to come out, Please Now!

At long last, after a night that had threatened never to end, you were there in front of me, in your first pediatrician’s hands. I still remember seeing you and calling out in glee, “Hai, Sidhu kutti!!!!”

It seems to have happened only yesterday, but here you are today, touching 4 in a month, zipping past me in a cycle, racing your friends, and playing dandiya. How in the world did you grow up so fast! From the time you were out of my womb, you took me on a roller coaster ride. Happy days, torturous days, dull days, crazy days. Now you have grown out of the infinite infancy, the terrible twos and the thrilling threes, and are fairly settling into boyhood, giving me a bit of a breathing space. I feel as if the roller coaster has just slowed down. It won’t ever stop and neither will I ever get down from it, will I? Do I hear you asking if I am enjoying the ride? You bet! This is the most thrilling, most adventurous and the most happiest experience ever for me.

This post was written for Project 365: We Post Daily. Today’s prompt was – When you’re giddy with excitement, does time speed up? Slow down? Tell us about the experience of anticipation.

7 comments on “Moments of Anticipation

  1. Pingback: Moments of Anticipation – Yamini Vijendran | Project 365

  2. “I felt like I was in the middle of some secret pagan ritual.” – Ha ha ha!
    Interestingly, when I began reading I thought this was fiction, till I reached the last paragraph which connected with the mother in me totally!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yamini:
    I am your long lost friend from KVAN. I chanced this page as an expecting father. I am both excited and nervous and have no idea what to expect. I will forward this link to my wife and I am sure she will appreciate this as much as I did.
    Best wishes and many congratulations:)


      • I like this fun game, I will remain anonymous, just for kicks. But fear not, I promise, I am not a cyber stalker or a creepy guy, just an expecting father. I have long wanted to blog about this experience but I have neither found the time nor the alacrity to leave a digital footprint on such personal emotions. I came across your post when I had my owns fears about the birthing process. We come from a culture where men aren’t allowed to speak about it much. Not complaining, just making a pertinent observation. Your post was very candid and helped me loosen up a bit so wanted to leave a comment.

        I will feed this page with some updates on my journey toward paternity, if and only if you do not find these feeds an unwelcome incursion into your virtual space.

        We are having our second ultrasound (18 weeks) next Monday. I am rooting for a girl and my wife wants a boy. It is a big day for us. Not that the outcome is going to make anyone terribly unhappy, but I will put to rest the blue Vs pink anxiety. And that means a lot and I am sure you know what I mean.

        See ya!


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