My first post is about the twin dictates of adjust and adapt, something every Indian girl is told to do when she enters into wedlock. She has to adjust to her husband, his family members, sometimes even their dogs and cows, and adapt their ways. In the process, the girl ends up losing her identity, her individuality and eventually, her own self-esteem.
That seems like a rather depressing scenario isn’t it? Especially to the upholders of feminism, woman empowerment and the like. Why should she adjust? Why should she adapt? It should be her choice, not her destiny.
It seems, however, that there is more to this concept of adjusting and adapting, than plain chauvinism. A couple of hours ago I stumbled upon the term ‘Limbic Revision’, which means, “therapeutic alteration of personality residing in the human limbic system of the brain”. (Source: Wikipedia). Simply put, this means that the way you think and opine is greatly influenced by the people you love. According to a book called The General Theory of Love,
“Who we are and who we become, depends, in part, on who we love.”
Now I can say that I have experienced this to be true in my three decades. A majority of my ideas today have been and are being shaped by the people I have loved over the years. It is not as if I voluntarily partook their way of thinking and adopted it as mine. Yet somehow, maybe due to the fact that I cared for what they thought, or I stayed with them long enough for the seeds of their thoughts to germinate inside my mind, my thoughts largely mirror theirs, at least at a broader level. That does not mean to say I always concur with them or do not have any opinion of my own. It simply means that the longer you are associated with a person about whom you care, the more your thinking pattern begins to follow the same framework as that person. And love, seems to be the culprit.
Now what does this have to do with Adjusting and Adapting, you ask? In any relationship, not necessarily only matrimony, one of the partners tends to usually undergo a limbic revision over time and ends up adjusting and adapting to the other partner’s ways. We can apply this concept in general society too. When you have lived in a country for a long time, you start thinking a lot like the natives. When you are surrounded with negative thinkers for too long, your thoughts tend to lean towards the negative too. Women are usually more forthcoming in their ability to give love and care. Women are also more flexible, therefore, are the ones to undergo the emotional revision and adjust and adapt. There might not be any mutual romance or ‘love’ in a marriage, yet you will find the woman willing to give it her all to make the marriage work. While many a times this characteristic of women is abused to manipulate them into losing their unique identity and burying their opinions under the pressures of their wedded family, the fact remains that our inherent nature to love with an open mind renders us to be the ones to adjust and adapt, most of the times at least.
This is what I think. It may be a weak theory, and I have not had a chance to verify it yet. If I do find something that reinforces or blows to smithereens my perception, I will update this post here. Until that time, I am going to take pride in the fact that Who I Am is shaped by Who I Love. And to those souls whom I love the most (as one blogger friends often says, “They know who they are”), I say, simply, I Love You, all the more, and I am happy to adjust and adapt for you.
This post has been written as part of the A-Z Challenge. Do keep visiting this blog on more gyan on life and my perception of it, all this month.